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My thoughts dawdle on this marine metaphor I already uttered...*...as she and I lay there, panting in the afterglow, her head resting on my chest, finger laggardly drawing circles on my chest, the cruelty of reality nonchalantly discarded as the minor nuisance it represented. We exchanged irrelevant sweet nothings that sprang from the spur of the moment—meaningless, little more than throwaway phrases then...*...but so gut-wrenchingly heavy now, her exact hardly even aspirated words prominently burnt into my head as an unsolicitedly latched-on memento. If only I had known that my weakness would catch up with me, taint my conscience, fill my belly with nauseatingly bitter remorse rather than forbidden thrill...The quest for consolation naturally drives me into the familiar comfort of your arms, relieving me from the obligation to return your gaze. I find myself on the verge of losing my mind over how simple it was to deceive you and get away with it, close to bursting with laughter and. I registered, found my dorm, moved my stuff in, went off to buy my books for my first year courses, met with the men’s swim coach to and finally met my roommate. Zoltan Juhasz was a freshman like me, but he was on the wrestling team. When I first saw him, I though he was pretty small, probably only 5′ 4′, but the first time I saw him with his shirt off, I realized he had muscles right up to the eyeballs. He had come to the U.S. during the Hungarian Revolution in ’56 when his parents made a run for freedom. He was only fifteen when he escaped, but he had seen a lot of death and blood and fear and he acted older than he really was. Apparently, he had seen his uncle killed by army troops in the streets in front of their home. He didn’t seem too anxious to talk about those days and I didn’t press him. Zoltan was a great guy to have as a roommate. He was neat, quiet and not around very much. He took his studies very seriously and I think he must have written a letter to his parents every.
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