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Didn’t you know how much I loved you? How I adored you and worshiped the very ground you walked on? I knew you were scared but I never really understood what you were scared of. Me? Was I too pushy? Did I show my love for you too much or not enough? Or were you afraid you were not man enough to cope with my needs? Did you not realize that my love for you could have released that man that I could see was crying out to be understood? Did you know that when I looked into your eyes I could see the loneliness and emptiness of an unfulfilled soul? I could have helped you to overcome your worries, shown you how to open your heart and unlock the passions buried deep inside you. I could have shown you how to give and receive love, proved to you that you are all the man you ever hoped you could be! Do these thoughts of mine reach out to you in the dead of the night? Do you hear my cries? Do you understand that my tears are not only for me but for you too, for the cruel waste of a man that. Dorzi, still panting like a puppy, got up onto his forearms and looked at me. Wonder had replaced fear in his eyes. I stood up and towered over him. Shedding my gown, I took a step towards him and placed my foot lightly upon his chest. He looked up at my naked body in total adoration. “Leave me here and return in two hours. By that time I will have departed and let us say nothing of this to my father. Is that understood?” I gave him a playful kick and turned towards the window. He quickly gathered his stained robes without uttering a word and strode out of the room. I bolted the door and shuttered the balcony widow. I sat still upon the floor with my arms outspread and my mind entered that state we call arru-sha. It is a meditative state that it is necessary for one to enter in order to receive the revelation of the gods. After several minutes of deep concentration my mind cleared and a verse from the sacred canticle entered my mind; Night surrounds me With her cloak of silken blue;.
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