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The climax left me shaking and delirious. I was ready to deal with whatever shit was thrown in my path after that. It was nearing the end of my shift, another day where no one noticed me. Packing up my bag I was feeling depressed. I thought my session in the shower would have kept me feeling good, but in all honesty guilt had crept in. Coupled with complaining customers I was ready to cry. I decided to go for a drink before I made my way back to my solitary flat. It’s not something I would usually do as I have no one to do it with, but I needed it badly. I ordered a large vodka straight and sat in a dark corner pretending I was reading a book. I sat there for a couple of hours, as I was about to leave I noticed a man sitting at the bar who seemed to be staring at me. So I went and ordered another drink. I positioned myself near his barstool and I am pretty sure he brushed himself against me as he got up to leave. To my surprise when I went back to my corner he was sitting at my. I could see no evidence that she wasn’t healthy or that she was under pressure for some unknown reason. I wondered about her health. Had she been given a negative diagnosis by some doctor? Had she run up some debt that I didn’t know about? What the hell would cause her to turn off me? There was one other possibility, of course. My travel kept me away ten days of the month. With the boys being so independent and Carla home alone, maybe she was bored. Maybe she had taken a lover. I suggested she look for a job, or even volunteer work a few months ago, but she showed no interest whatsoever. The mood around the house wasn’t hostile. It was as if I didn’t exist other than to be there. I had no role, no real function. I got up, made my own breakfast and went to work. I came home and Carla served Phil and me the evening meal. Most evenings, the only discussion that took place was between my son and me. After dinner, Phil would retreat to his room to study while Carla moved to the living.
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