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I like men, and I am a man. But I’m trying to fix that. I will get better. I can be cured through God’s will. Those were the thoughts I used to think. Used to. Now, I am a lost cause, doomed by my own actions and choices. I was unable to change. I was given multiple chances to convert, to commit to a woman, and live a life as God intended. I failed each time. I was unable to rid my impure thoughts and control my actions. And now, after my third failure, I have been sentenced to die. My execution is tomorrow, at sunrise. I will have lived only 19 years on this earth. I am to die as the Lord did, on a cross, so that others may be spared the sins I have committed. ***To understand my story I must start at the beginning – at my first failure.I first knew I was different when I entered my twelfth year. Our community is small, numbering at just 4000 believers. Most children of the same age know each other. I did not know anyone who felt as I did, at least none who spoke. They were both porno magazines. The one that was still readable was all photos of men and women having oral sex. Just page after page of shots of men eating pussies and women sucking cocks. I took them into the house and for some reason decided to look through that one before disposing of it. The ruined one I tied up in a plastic market-bag and took out and shoved down in the garbage can so Mom wouldn’t find it. My sister and I still lived at home. Mom and Dad had told us years ago that they weren’t looking forward to being empty-nesters and we were welcome to continue living there till we got married, and then they wanted grandchildren. But they weren’t too anxious to have Garret for a son-in-law, and as for me, they were in denial, or else they really didn’t know. Dad had an accounting office where he did things like taxes and financial advising and Mom worked as his secretary/receptionist. I knew they wouldn’t be home until almost eight, but Elaine usually got home about six. I.
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