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Now, by no means was it an overnight decision. I cried, cursed, and begged God for answers to why Ryan had to die so young for nearly ten months. After the grieving, it took me another month to realize, I needed a guy, and once I realized that I wanted Joel, another three weeks contemplating whether I should speak out, or keep my desires to myself. Finally, I decided I needed to tell him, but wanted to wait another two weeks, I wanted to wait until the one year mark had passed, and a few days after that.The Friday after the anniversary of Ryan's passing my mom wanted to take my daughter. She did that every once in a while, it gave me a break from always being a mom, and live life a bit. Joel surprised me and asked if I wanted to go dinner, he claimed he needed to talk to me. I agreed, and got myself ready. I was nervous as I wondered what he was going to say, with my luck he was about to tell me he found someone and was going to move out. I knew he would move out at some point,. Im by no means fat, but I could afford to drop a few pounds. But Im built pretty well and I have a lot of muscle, but its not toned very well. I have been told by numerous, unbiased people, that I am a very attractive person, but I dont think so. You see, Ive had self-esteem issues since middle school. I had (and sometimes still get) very bad acne and even though my wide football-player build gives the impression of a well-toned body, its not. I dont play any sports and I spend my free time either playing computer games or trying to pick up extra hours at work. Ive only had one girlfriend, and that only lasted 3 weeks before we broke up and we didnt get any further than kissing. Obviously, Im still a virgin (at this point in the story, anyway) at 17 years old and with the way my life was going, I was not going to get laid anytime soon. Well, the day before my grad party, that all changed. Jill and Allie had decided to go for a bikeride that lovely Friday morning around 11:00, or so.
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