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’ I leaned in towards her. ‘Just one more kiss?’ I said. I knew it sounded pitiful when I said it but I thought if I could just kiss her one more time we’d feel that spark again and she’d love me again and like me again and whatever or whoever happened on this trip to leave her so certain she was done would just evaporate from her mind and we’d go back to being happy . . . or at least pretending to be. 
For a split second something changed in her eyes. But then she pulled back. Wiping tears from her eyes she said ‘That’s the problem, Mark. Always asking for permission in everything you do. Stop beating yourself up so much. It’s OK to be a fucking man sometimes, you know?’ **********
 It was 3 days later at my yoga class when the monster first woke up. When I realized something was very wrong. When I took that first step down a path that would shatter everything I ever thought about who I was, what I wanted and what I was capable of. If you’ve ever been through a divorce, you know I. We are not the gang-bangers who go at it hammer and tong every other weekend. We are slow at making decisions and in this sexual explorative environment, probably slower than most. Anyway, we had already enjoyed a bit of fun here and there and we had decided to spend a nice day at our favourite nude beach while we were visiting the city. The weather was shaping up to be a little windy in the afternoon but would be ok for most of the day. We had our water, sun shelter, towels, sunscreen and even some lunch packed so we could relax and enjoy ourselves for an extended stay. We got down the beach a bit later than we intended, around 10 am, I think. There were not many others around as it was a weekday and with the windy forecast, probably a few stayed away that might have otherwise come along.Walking along the beach, we went past the fence that was the unofficial boundary between sun seekers and sex seekers. Yes, we were deliberately going to the naughty section! That was a good start.
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