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"I don't know why you think I'd joke about that Lila."I felt my nostrils flare. "Shut up! Just tell me it was a fucking joke ok?" I yelled.Ben sighed. "Yeah ... ok ... it was a joke. Satisfied?"I was shaking from all the anger. "I hate you Ben!" I screamed and went back to my room. I turned up the music loud and cried in bed. I had forgotten about my headache and hangover.~Ben~I went to my room after having Lila basically tell me I'm scum for kissing her back. She played her music loudly as she always did when she was mad. I wasn't about to apologize to her about the kiss. I admitted that I liked it and I meant it. I more than liked it ... I loved it.I figured she had to cool down sometime. Maybe once she was calm, she and I could talk about the kiss like two adults. I had to admit I did feel guilt. She was drunk after all, but she knew damn well who she was kissing. It's not like she called me Gary. She knew it was me.I had to go back to school later that afternoon for one of my. A whole new world opened up to her.She told him Matt didn't exactly regret it. She didn't exactly; it had hurt Ryan, and that was what she wanted. But it wasn't like she had used him like that. Plus, she knew, he had gotten what he wanted. Maybe they had used each other? But I didn't use him, she thought. Just because we did it didn't mean I used him. It just happened, she thought, we both got pleasure out of it, and that's that.She pushed away any guilty feelings, telling herself that people had casual sex all the time, so why shouldn't she? Why should she have to deal with love all the time? Sex was a natural thing, and humans were animals, and animals did each other all the time without dealing with love.She could fuck Kasey of course, that would be okay. She felt so free; now that she was "single" she felt like she had been released from something, something which she kept telling herself was false and detrimental.He was different from Ryan, that's for certain. And he liked her.
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