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I found out later that her body had been mangled and broken. I suppose I'm glad not to have seen my beautiful sister that way. But in those days and weeks which followed, I couldn't help feeling a distinct loss at not saying goodbye, and I blamed myself for being the one to talk Jackie into trying to visit that weekend. It had been my pleading, my selfish need to see her again, which had led her to beg favors of her friends, finally getting a ride home to be with me.I cried with my head on my arms on the dining room table. I was aware that Kira stood next to me, holding my shoulders, softly stroking my arms. "Oh, Mom ... I'm sorry..."I had compartmentalized my memories of Jackie. It wasn't that I planned it. Thoughts of my sister were torn from me, everything about Jackie which reminded me of her loss wrapped tightly and buried. I think I was defending myself, refusing to deal with the grief. The more time passed, the less often I felt the memories trying to surface, to the point. ’ Taking our plate to the sink, he fed the garbage disposal our nearly untouched food. Leaving the plate in the sink, he caught my hand in his and led me back to the elevators. My heart went pitter-pat as the anticipation of what was to come was visualized. Punching the number thirty-five on the wall, I looked up at him in astonishment. ‘I thought that was only for storage?’ ‘That is what everyone thinks…’ he replied smugly. Stepping off of the elevator, my eyes beheld a luxurious room with plush carpet underfoot. To the left was a wet bar, fully stocked. Straight ahead was a leather sofa and love seat. To the right was a huge four-poster king sized bed with netting draped from every corner-post. It was a bed that I had always longed to possess for myself. How could he know that all of his furnishings would appeal to me, as if I had picked them out myself? ‘Would you like a drink Sarah?’ he ask. ‘Sure, gin and tonic?’ I watched his lithe body strut confidently to the bar. My mind.
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