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Contrary to my anxious visions, there was no look of horror, no rush to pack my bags and heave me out on the street. "Well, it's not like you would ever do something like that," she said. "People think about funny things. If you knew some of the things that pass through my brain, you'd think I was totally loopy." I felt a weight lift from my chest as I realised that my secret was no longer mine to bear in silence. In fact, now that I saw that the world was standing up fine to the awful truth, it began to seem a good deal less substantial itself. "Like the way I keep thinking about your friend Roger's dick," she explained, sitting up in bed. "I beg your pardon?" I asked, wondering if my ears where functioning properly. "Well, he must have a pretty big one, right. When he comes over to pick you up to go to the gym, it always seems to be flopping around in his baggy track pants. He obviously doesn't wear any underpants. I wonder why that is. Maybe it turns on the girls at the gym, hey,". Looking at your watch, you note that it is only 9:35 a.m. Amazing. Your pessimism brings the thought to mind that perhaps this is the first call of the day, and that even then the plumber will be late. So as not to look too anxious or unbusy, you wait for the doorbell to ring. Waiting a few seconds, you open the door. First impressions count, your parents drilled that into you in your youth. No “bubba” cap from the local parts store, a full head of blonde and grey hair, dancing blue eyes, and a pressed uniform, and awesome-looking forearms. My name is on my right pocket, and my toolbox is in my right hand. "Good morning, is this the ______ residence, and were you expecting me?" Expecting you, no. A plumber, yes. A guy with drooping trousers, a beer gut, a baseball cap, a toothpick perhaps, and not a lot of hair from all those moments of scratching your head while explaining being hours late, or without the proper parts, or figuring up your invoices that make a doctor's visit look.
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