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"From now on, you're staying shaved all thetime, no nasty stubble understand?" She tossed something at me, and Icaught it awkwardly. A pink ladies razer. "That'll get you started,replace it if you need to. I'm sure you can steal some shaving cream fromyour mom, or you can go buy your own, whatever works. Next, you're goingon a diet." A diet, what for?" It was out before I thought about it, but it was justa weird idea, I wasn't exactly hefty to start with."Because we said so. This isn't a debate. I've emailed you a list ofthings you can eat." She waved her phone at me, as if to indicate thesent email. "It's pretty close to what little miss chubby over therewill be eating." She nodded towards Katie, who compressed her lips intoa thin line, she was thinner than I was but athletic, the only weightshe'd be losing what little muscle mass she had. "We'll check in withyou in a while to see how it's going, but no cheating or your socialnetwork presence gets a lot more. She said that marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life. She told me what a lousy lover I was.I asked her, "How would you know unless you've bedded down with someone other than me? We were both virgins when we met. So I guess you have been sleeping around."She was nervous now. She was trying to figure out what to say. Finally she came out with some lame excuse about what she read in some damn magazine and how her friends told her how good their sex lives were."Well, fuck you and fuck your magazine. If I find out you have been cheating on me, you're a dead woman. Tell your friends the truth. You would have to fuck me once in awhile if you're going to compare me."I know this really makes me look bad. First I threaten her and then her showing up dead with me there. But honest I didn't do it.Susan told me last week, "Mark, I haven't been cheating on you, but I want out of this marriage. You're crazy and I don't love you anymore. Just take your things and go. I'll tell my dad to get.
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