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Why? Because I’m stupid. And a coward.I live alone, which you can probably guess.I steal my eyes back to the parade. How dare you! I silently scream at the shapeless zombies outside; you can’t even see your kid balancing down the kerb with his out-stretched arms! They drive too fast down here for god's sake. Look, please! I even bang on the window, but of course, when they glance in my direction with predictable uncomprehending stares, they simply return to their iPhone screens just as quickly - my nets securely protecting my modesty.A tear escapes and drops to the new carpet, joining so many of its brethren.I live in perpetual twilight you see. Not daring to expose my rooms to the beautiful day outside for fear of ridicule and the pitchforks again. Oh, the housing association had been SO understanding the last two times, but they have made it pretty clear that I will not be allowed to move again unless I can manage to sort out an exchange. Fat chance. I was plonked on one of the. With no brothers, it fell to me, as the oldest daughter, to execute the family tradition ... to be the first crush a carnation over the casket. God! I don't think I can do this! At least it wasn't raining. That was a constant hazard in the spring.Pearl stood at the head of the grave, waiting for me to do my duty. It felt out of place, inappropriate for her to be standing there where Mom would be, were she alive. We never were great friends, Pearl and I. I suppose I had been somewhat resentful. It seemed to me that she had filled in behind Mom so easily, displacing her memory in my dad's heart. She had never been unkind to me, though, or to my sisters; and maybe it wasn't a coincidence that Dad rejoined the living when she came along.I walked to the grave, and crushed my carnation, letting the petals fall on the casket, and I turned to join Pearl at the head of the grave. My sisters followed me, filing by the grave, dropping their petals into that abyss that would soon swallow my.
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