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It didn’t take long for her apologies to fall on deaf ears.The beatings soon became a weekly activity with mom crying and dad ranting about the calm before the storm. I never understood what in the hell he was going on about, but I never fought him, even when he began to vary his tortures. The half-day I spent on my stomach, tied to a car roof, I seriously thought he was trying to see if he could cook me all the way through. I’m almost positive I had second-degree burns along my entire backside, including the bottoms of my feet. He let me recover from that for almost two weeks before I found myself naked, blindfolded and hanging over the basement floor drain. Mom would come down to give me water, but other than that, he left me hanging for over a week, only being able to touch the floor with the tips of my toes. I almost thought I was going to lose my mind for a while through that. As we went through that year, I had to wear more and more clothes to cover the scars I was. ’ ‘Tell me first what you’d do now if there wasn’t anyone watching.’ ‘I think I’d tear my clothes off and fling myself down on the floor and play with myself. Alright, masturbate myself. I’ve got to have an orgasm or I’ll die.’ ‘Not an orgasm,’ I prompted. ‘You’ve got to cum, right?’ ‘Yes, cum. That’s another filthy word and it sounds so good.’ ‘I’d love to watch you masturbate. Tell me how you do it.’ ‘That’s so private—that’s—oh alright, I’ll tell you, but it seems so intimate somehow.’ ‘More intimate than sucking your clit? You love to have men looking at your body. You’d love to have me watch you masturbate, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you?’ Sonia had one hand under the table. I could guess what she was doing with it. ‘Yes, I would. Like to, I mean. I wouldn’t have dreamed of letting anyone watch me, but whenever I played with myself I had this daydream that a man would come in the bedroom door and stand there watching me. And I’d do it for him. I’d open my legs wide so that he could.
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