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It was a link to a web site. Ellie knew better. She really did. Still, just to kill the last few moments before she had to rush out the door… The moment she clicked the link, Ellie’s computer monitor went blank. It seemed almost as if the thing had shut down. She waited it out, however, and was rewarded when a small red dot appeared near the center of the screen. While Ellie watched, the dot moved slowly down to the bottom of the screen. Then it jumped to the top and danced around. Then over to the left. What’s the point, she wondered, following the little spot of light as it as it swooped and jerked, seemingly at random. The dot was expanding, as well. Getting bigger. Ellie had the illusion she was being drawn closer…closer… The ball expanded to fill the screen. Ellie‘s head was spinning and she felt drowsy. She had been swallowed up, and could see nothing now but red. The young nurse dropped her sandwich on the floor. She forgot about going to work. Now the image on the screen. Repeat…how would that feel? Unfortunately, he knows exactly how that feels but that reminds him of her and he cannot go there right now. He feels beat down by life. Not much in the mood to think about when the days were filled with laughing, flirting, and fun. He has been to enough therapy to know that when he is bummed out that is exactly when he thinks of her the most. She is the symbol of what he wanted – passion, excitement, energy, a challenge, a connection of mind and body. He nods his head when they say, ‘it wasn’t her she wanted, she just represented all of it.’ Given enough time and access it would have happened with any woman. This. Woman. Means. Nothing. He promises to come back to reality, get his head screwed on straight again, suck it up. He does ok for a while but then the numbness starts to wear him down and he lets himself drift. This week is particularly crappy – it’s his birthday. At this time last year he could be with her everyday. If not in person, over Skype..
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