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I am a thirty eight year old bachelor and like the dogs in heat at this time of year I was horny as hell. I own a convenience store in a small town in the mid west. Since it was a small town everyone knew each other and no one can hide. The reason the last woman I was with was in October of the year before. I was seduced and got charged with having sex with a minor. I urge you, do not trust, teens because I was seduced by my neighbor’s sweet daughter while she was just fifteen years old. The girl seduced me and when she did not get what she wanted she blackmailed me. After being blackmailed I decided not to have sex and be celibate for as long as I could. As I said before it was mid February and the dogs were in heat. I thought I would be alright because I owned two male german shepherds for my protection. I own a two story building and I keep my dogs downstairs where my store is and stay naked upstairs because, of course, I am alone.The night I crossed two lines was so. ”(from “Shakedown” sung by Bob Seger)Amen.This is about one time when I was faster on the draw. But not by much. I still get shivers about how close I came to losing this shoot-out. It might have cost me $50 million.If one were to ask the name of the most famous gunfighter, I suspect a popular response would be “Billy the Kid.” But “gunfighter” might be overgenerous, as I have heard that Billy shot more folks in the back, and he probably counted them the same as the others. Still, the label sticks.Lesson learned. Somebody who fights fair loses in every fair fight. The trick to better your odds of a long life is to tilt the odds in your favor before the other guy does.With this in mind, I always believed the better path is to get one of my friends or enemies, whichever is more inclined, to shoot my enemy in the back before he can draw. Not very fair, I know, and probably not quite what the Reverend Seger was preaching about the Beverly Hills cops. But I strongly believe in my own.
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