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OK, I thought, so…why don’t I take over the world? Easy—too much hassle. But I might be able to make the world my oyster. Then by chance I drove past a sign for a Gentleman’s Club. Now, I have never been big on strip clubs, because I always felt like: why should I pay for the buffet if I wasn’t allowed to eat it? But who doesn’t dream of taking the stripper home and screwing her brains out at the end of her shift? Maybe my new invention would be just the ticket—I could read the girls thoughts and find out which strippers might be reacting to me, focus my efforts on them, and maybe get lucky. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Instead, all it ended up doing is showing how little I understood about strippers. I paid my cover charge and sat at a table off to the side. There was a brunette on the main stage in a schoolgirl outfit, except of course the shirt was extra-tight and tied up just below her bustline to show her belly, and the skirt just barely reached to the bottom of her. “Not dancing, sweetheart, just grooving to the music!” She called me sweetheart. I had never been called that and I liked it. After another hour of painting, I asked what she would like to eat for dinner. “I will eat anything you offer!” “Pizza,” I yelled. “Sounds great!” I called and ordered the pizza then heard a squeak and an “Oh, nooo!” I turned the corner and saw her standing, head bowed, with paint all over her hair, arms, and shirt. “Well, helloooooo nurse,” I said with a chuckle after I grabbed some towels. I handed her a towel and helped with wiping some of the paint that had traveled to her back. “What happened?” I asked. “I stepped on the ladder to reach that corner with the brush and the paint container tipped as I tried to balance, and then, well, here you go.” I had to chuckle as I wiped the dripping goop off of her. “How about we call it quits on the painting? We'll get you cleaned up and then, pizza?” “Sounds good. I will be right back,” she said.
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