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. No, it wasn't a church wedding. Mom? Mom, are you still there? ... Because there wasn't time to arrange a church wedding; I didn't want to wait! ... No! She's not pregnant! I just met her last night! Mom? Mom, are you still there? ... I know everything about her I need to know! ... Oh, for God's sake, Mom! I work for the FBI! Don't you think I would know if she were a criminal?"Diana was cracking up ... his mother sounded like a real pistol! Diana held out her hand toward him and gestured with her fingers. "Give me the phone!" Mom ... hold on. My wife wants to talk to you." He handed Diana the phone and listened."Mrs. Richards? Hi, this is Diana Maitland Richards, your new daughter-in-law. I just wanted to let you know that it wasn't Charles' idea to run off to Vegas and get married—it was mine! ... Why? Because I've been looking for your son for a long time and I wasn't about to let him out of my sight! Also, he told me he wouldn't have sex with me until I was his wife, and he. Levon’s voice turned to whisper. “Don’t you know what you’ve done? You probably turned a straight man gay. At least for one time. It might seem like this terrific accomplishment to you, but you don’t think about it from his point of view. He’s probably at home drinking himself to death because of how confused he feels.”“Calm down, man. You act like you never wanted to do that yourself…” “Shut—““—No, you shut up.” Jaime had gotten stern; something Levon had never seen him do before. “Stop pretending like you don’t like him. I know you do, or else you wouldn’t be this worked up about last night. I’m not the only person around here who needs a reality check.”Levon sat in silence for a good while, staring angrily at Jaime. “Whatever the case,” Levon said finally, “I’m going over to his house at lunch to tell him that it was you he did that to last night. It’s your choice if you want to be there to apologize when I do.” And with that, Levon got up and left, heading out for a much-needed.
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