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..Warm. Fidgeting. Not quite awake, but not dreaming. High school. Not easy. Eyes closed, smiling softly at a memory of cheerleader glory. Chuckle. I look so much better now. Smile back to sleep.Eyes snap open. Stomach dropping flash of fear in high school. Inner voice telling me I was a coward.A little more awake. Was it cowardice, or a lack of imagination on how to get out of the safe space of jocks and cheerleaders?Shiver. Wait ... something is reassuring. Body heat. Sound of calm breathing. Such a rare sound for me. Sure, I was sexually active in high school, but never slept with anyone for more than a few minutes. Not much better when more active in college, still not right to sleep with people. I had fuck toys, and sometimes damn good fuck toys, but no lovers.Could I have had a lover? My body just said yes, when I felt my muscles jolt. Maybe it could have been Marie. No, it should have been Curt. How many times, in college, did I shove the feeling of loss to the back of my mind?. ‘So Janet Wilson just told me that this is another fundraiser to move those damn otters. The band is local and they are friends of the youngest Williams boy, Josh or something.’ ‘Beavers mom, they want to move the beavers. Not otters.’ ‘Oh whatever! They are weird little creatures that keep flooding out the clearing here, that’s all that matters really.’ I wordlessly nodded and half-heartedly listened to the band, they were pretty good though I was not particularly in the mood for upbeat country music but good none the less. I watched as a few children played by the water, filling water guns and splashing each other joyfully. Mom and I walked around the water, checking out the various booths full of fresh local fruits and vegetables. We meandered around purchasing cantaloupes and a small watermelon for a fruit salad we planned on making for lunch. After taking our items back to the truck, we made our way back to the river to soak our feet in the cool water hoping for some relief.
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