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I knew I had to get away. I just didn’t know how, or when, or even why. I wasn’t completely sure what I was going to do once I did leave. I just knew. And somehow I knew that the pond had the answer. Late at night I would sneak out, but not to get drunk with some friends, not even to meet some illegitimate boyfriend. It was to go sit in the middle of the lake. I didn’t start out like that, of course. At first, I would just stand and stare, thinking about all my unanswered questions, then returning to my bed before I got to depressed. Then, as I slowly inched toward the pond, I slowly lost my girlish phobias about bugs and dirt, and just sat down, right in the middle. I felt at peace there. I could sort out my thoughts. I was never afraid of some gang coming to rape me, or someone reporting a strange girl in the middle of an empty pond. I certainly wasn’t afraid of drowning. One day, as I was contemplating life, it started to rain. I sat there, watching the drops fall, tasting it. I know its stupid, but I can’t help it’ With that she started to sob, it was obviously a bigger deal than I had thought, I took it at face value, she had always told me that she was dealing with Jane’s memory, but I needed to show her just how much I loved her. ‘Aw Babe, come here, let it out, you mean the world to me, I love you without any thought of comparison, you are so special, and yes I cannot erase her memory…’ ‘I don’t want you too Steve…’ ‘I know love, but you don’t understand how much I love you, you are the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing I think of before I sleep and there is hardly a minute during the day when I don’t think of you. I will never forget Jane, I can’t, I don’t want too, we had a fantastic marriage and if she hadn’t died we would still be together, but when I met you I knew that we could have an equally special life together. You are so different from her, when you make love, you are more adventurous, you know what you need and have no.
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