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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.-Phyllis DillerHousework can't kill you, but why take a chance?-Phyllis DillerCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.-Phyllis DillerThe reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.-Phyllis DillerBest way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.-Phyllis DillerA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.-Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.-Phyllis DillerMost children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.-Phyllis DillerAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.-Phyllis DillerWe spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve. Finally I packed a weekend bagwith everything from stilettos to lingerie to makeup, dresses, swimsuitswigs, jewelry and stuff to fill out my now empty bra.20 minutes later I was feeling good sashaying behind my shopping cart injeans so tight my credit card barley fit in the pocket and I think I gotan admiring smile (and lick lip) from a stud in one aisle. I bought $200worth of food and kept smiling about the weekend ahead. Yes, I did getsome mean looks from men, but most women envied my tush and jeans, sawthe cart was for more than 1 person and had more flowers and severalcandles, and gave me a devilish smile. After checkout, the boy pushedmy shopping cart to my car asking me all kinda questions about theweekend. We stood there with him loading my trunk as I told himeverything - he had to be 6-2" with high school muscles and ragingtesteronne. His eyes went glassy as his erection became obvious. I wentto the car door to get his tip and turning around he pinned me rightthere.
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