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I have never felt you pushed him away. I also wish I'd had the imagination to cast a second vote for J-- in the Mr. -- contest that came soon after both you joined. I wouldn't have cared either that he wasn't eligible. He was the very best candidate that night.Never tell a man you're not attracted to him in any way -- even when it's true. If he finds you fascinating, it really hurts in return. Also those words can come back to haunt you because feelings do change. We wouldn't be holding this conversation if yours hadn't.Being ga-ga about you grossly understates how truly attractive, appealing, and desirable I have found you since that night at -- restaurant where we have come together, at least in time and geography, for the second time in my life. And why shouldn't I find you this beautiful? You are.This is a good thing. Everybody, whether they know it or not, need at least two people to wildly feel they are the most desirable person on the planet. One is your spouse, and this is. Rach seemed to understand my discomfiture, and took up the slack. I was beginning to get in the groove. Feeling no pressure to carry the conversation, I relaxed somewhat, making it easier to be myself. Then, my nice, safe, little corner of the conversation was forced to expand. Lidia, seeing the wine glasses were empty, rose to fill them from the bottle my mom had strategically kept in the kitchen. Rach, being the good host, insisted on getting the wine, and left me there alone, the weight of an inevitable, uncomfortable silence threatening crush me. You swim, Jake? Lidia offered, leaving me with no choice but to give more than a monosyllabic response. On a team, yes I answered, my mind grasping unsuccessfully for anything more to add. Rachel says you are very good she added kindly, giving me the respite I needed, to make my brain and mouth work together. We compete by age I explained, Im a lot bigger than the other guys, so Im just lucky. I finished awkwardly, willing Rach to come.
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