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That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.That so retain?d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses. My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix?d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying. ‘Ha! Ha!’ ‘Romantic? Ha! Ha! Nah, you must have the papers confused with Glen’s entry of last year. Do you remember him, the guy with thick glasses, acne, and who stuttered? He used National Nude Day to propose marriage butt naked to his girlfriend, only, it wasn’t his girlfriend. It was just some girl he stalked at the mall and that he imagined was his girlfriend. Whatever happened to him, I wonder,’ said Dave. ‘He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, ordered to stay away from his victim, and found a permanent place on the National Sex Offender’s Registry. We laughed him off the stage,’ said Eddie. ‘Ha! Ha!’ ‘Well, can you blame us,’ said Nick. ‘Whoever heard of a romantic pervert? C’mon, really, that’s oxymoronic. Ha! Ha!’ ‘Of all people,’ said Dave. ‘Hal is anything but romantic.’ ‘He’s the epitome of insensitivity and sexually inappropriate behavior,’ said Sam. ‘There’s not a romantic bone in his body. Ha! Ha!’ ‘For the record, I’d like to start by saying that this is.
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