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What’s the purpose of a bellybutton?To put your gum in on the way down.Why was the stamp commemorating prostitution so unpopular?You had to pay an extra ten cents to lick it.What’s the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?You can’t hear an enzyme.How do you make a hormone?Put sand in the Vaseline.What’s a cunt that talks back?An answering cervix.What do you give an eighty-year-old woman for her birthday?Mikey ... He’ll eat anything.What do you call a woman who uses too much contraceptive cream?A spermicidal maniac.Why do women have legs?So they don’t leave snail tracks on linoleum floors.What do you call a hooker with no legs?A nightcrawler.What do you call a girl who’s just been run over by a car?Patty.Why do female parachutists always wear pantyhose?So they won’t whistle.How do you tell when a woman is wearing pantyhose?If she farts, her ankles will swell.How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear?Look for the dandruff on her shoes.Why do women have 2 holes so close. What the hell, I don't smoke but I've pretty muchassimilated the rest of my mothers life, why not?I pull one out and put it to my lips, I smell it already. I bring thelighter up and light the tip, taking a drag as I do so, it blazes up andI take my first long drag. Deep and hard. Hold it in and let it out. Mmmthats a lot better than I thought it would be, this smoking thing aintso bad! I continue smoking as I walk past another mirror, oh god I looklike her now, I look like my mom! This is too surreal. I let the smokecome out my nose, blow it strong out my mouth, let it roll out my lipslike snoop dog hahaha. I think I could get used to this. I snub the buttout and note the lip color on the end of it *giggle.Ooh now what... I suppose I should make dinner. After all, I am thewoman, I belong in the kitchen! Hahahaah just kidding. I spend a littletime whipping up some spanish rice. That should be yummy. I enjoyanother cigarette while I cook. Almost trip a few times moving around onthose.
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