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Every conscious thought a lament to what could have been, followed by the inevitable question,’ what if?’ My every thought sears the very foundation of my being with the knowledge of the irresponsibility, the selfishness with which I dabbled with my angel’s heart and now that the reality has set in, I can feel myself being crushed under the added weight of new responsibilities both real and imagined. In a country such as this the prejudice, the religious and hypocritical bias against such an unspeakable situation of an unmarried teen mother will subject my darling to prejudice beyond belief and I will forever have myself to blame. If I could turn back the hands of time to reverse such foolish exploits I would gladly sell my soul to that end, but it is all to no avail for the selfless act now would not erase the selfishness, the pettiness of spirit, which fills me with self-loathing. I cannot bear my reflection and I would gladly die right now if it were the best thing to do for ‘my. . intimate. It was wonderful while it lasted, but our relationshipcooled with the coming of winter. I had been looking for love; Paul waslooking for sex. When I pushed him for a commitment, he dropped me in aheartbeat. A tear came to my eye. I thought the big shit actually lovedme."Well, I know it's not your period," Laurel announced lightly. No, itwasn't. I had had my last one over a week ago. It hadn't even been aparticularly bad one."Maybe you should see a doctor or something," Laurel ventured as sherubbed my back."I'll be okay," I assured her, smiling bravely until I realized sheprobably couldn't see the smile in the dark."All right," she agreed reluctantly, standing up to be silhouetted inthe moonlight. "Try to get some sleep." Okay." I sank back down on my pillow, hoping that sleep would claim mequickly. I did begin to drift off almost at once, but not before mytired mind asked one more question: why is it that when I saw Laurel inthe moonlight, it was almost as if I could see.
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