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“Oh, son, I don’t think it’s acceptable in 2020 to have whips like these for the animals,” she chided.“Tough shit!” I responded, having no good comeback for that one.“Language, Steve-O!” Mom huffed.I sighed.“Where’s the hole in this red rubber ball? How do you wear it as a clown’s nose?”“Mom, let’s just…”“Ooh, what are these tiny little clamps for?” she asked, picking up the new nipple clamps I’d bought for my gal.“Those are nail clippers, Ma!” Hey, her sight is failing too, she might believe that!Then she saw the Hitachi wand. “Oh, what a nice powerful back massager!” she exclaimed.“That’s to massage the St. Bernards, they have thick hair,” I said, shaking my head as she continued farther into the dungeon.“Honey is that a dentist’s chair? Are you studying to be a dentist?” she asked.Huh?“Yes, sure Mom, do-it-yourself dentistry is the latest rage!” I lied.“Jesus is missing from that cross, Steve-O,” she chastised.“He’s out preaching, Mom!” I said, exasperated.“There’s my sleep mask!”. How does one conduct an employee-employer relationship if one is sleeping with the employee? The answer is simple: it can’t be done. I considered firing Sofía with a severance that would see her through the remaining time she was scheduled to help Mme Bertha. She persuaded me that she wouldn’t accept it, that she could keep her personal feelings for me separate from her responsibilities in the household, and that she’d refuse the severance and walk out if I attempted to change her employment.I wasn’t sure how serious she was but I knew her well enough by now to be worried. I thought I heard a rumble from the gods when I was considering that idea, in fact, and I listened.“Sofía, does Javier ever visit here?”She stretched, her smooth brown skin reflecting the late afternoon light as we lay together in my bed.“Sometimes, why?”“Don’t you ever miss him?”Her brows furrowed and I thought I saw a flash of sadness. Then she smiled.“Yes, I do.” She kissed me. “He likes the village, he says,.
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