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And when you asked me to be your first … you can’t even imagine what I felt. Pride, honor … all the things a father would feel except I would be your lover instead. Then when we got kidnapped … Cassia, I could never be more proud of you. It made me sick to see those men abuse you but you handled it so well. If I would have been born a woman, I would have been dead but not you. You handled yourself brilliantly. Seeing you do so well made me upset because I should have been taking care of you. When you wanted to talk, I couldn’t do anything but think of how I failed you. Cassia, you mean so much to me. I know that you just wanted me to be the man you shared your virginity with but my feelings won’t allow me to believe it. In my mind, you were still my little Cassia although when I went to bed, I kept a sprig of lilac by my bed to remind me of you. I don’t know what you’re feeling toward me. I haven’t given you a chance to speak to me because I’m afraid that you might say that you don’t. I broke our gaze. I have to Dad. I cant do this anymore. I cant keep being your sex toy. My voice broke over those last two words. As much as I wanted to call it something different, to call me his lover, his soulmate, his sweetheart, I knew I couldnt. When everything was said and done I was his sex toy. I did what he wanted when he wanted. When it came to him I had no backbone and no resolve. I was his toy to do with as he pleased. Baby you are everything but. He leaned over and rested his forehead against mine. My hands reached forward and I brushed my fingers through his hair. This hurt way more than I thought it would. Stephanie you are my life. You are my daughter, my lover, my soul, my breath. I cannot be without you. I dont want to be without you. With every word his voice drove deeper into my heart. These past two weeks have been horrible, the worst of my life. I think of you every moment, every night. Its not just my body but my mind that yearns for you. I want to hear your.
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