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..” and the like fooleries; which, however, was throwing oil on a fire I was sorely put to it to smother the blaze of.The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produced one good effect: which was, that, through mere fatigue, I slept tolerably well till five in the morning, when I got up, and having dressed myself, waited, under the double tortures of fear and impatience, for the appointed hour. It came at last, the dear, critical, dangerous hour came; and now, supported only by the courage love lent me, I ventured, a tip-toe, down stairs, leaving my box behind, for fear of being surprized with it in going out.I got to the street door, the key whereof was always laid on the chair by our bed side, in trust with Phœbe, who having not the least suspicion of my entertaining any design to go from them (nor, indeed, had I, but the day before), made no reserve or concealment of it from me. I opened the door with great ease; love, that emboldened, protected me too: and now, got safe into the. The judge smiled a little smile at the psychiatrist's discomfort but Iwas beyond caring. All I could do was continue telling the truth. Thehearing droned on through the morning as all the facts of the case weredragged out and the judge adjourned for lunch. I was eating a sandwichalone in the caf? when Mrs Bodkins joined me."You're doing well. You've demonstrated that you care and that you'recompassionate." And I've demonstrated that I'm a raging tranny. Perhaps I should havedressed as a man." No. You've made a clear statement about your lifestyle. It's going tobe examined in detail this afternoon anyway. How do you feel?" Scared." Don't be. They can only refuse you custody of the girls. Transvestismisn't illegal."I sipped my tea nervously as Mrs Bodkin studied yet more documents thenwe were called in again."The afternoon was painful for me. I described my whole life style andexplained my ambitions, where I was headed and why. Two psychiatristsstood up and gave umpteen medical opinions.
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