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?”I thought about lying but then I remembered how she had never lied to me and she had always been there for me especially when my parents got divorced.“Yeah, I do.”“Oh my god, Ben, I can’t believe it.”“Why not, you are very pretty and have a hot body.”“Thanks, but being your jerk off fantasy doesn’t really make me feel better.”“Again, I’m sorry.”“What about Becky and Amanda?”They were her friends, also cheerleaders and hot.“Sure, I like Amanda, her hair is just amazing.”“Mm, so you like redheads. I’ll tell you a secret. She shaves her you know what.”“Oh fuck! Vanessa, why did you have to tell me that?”She looked down at my pants. “Did that make you get a hard on, thinking about Amanda’s shaved pussy? I’ll tell you something else, she has amazing boobs. Not as big as mine, but so fucking firm she doesn’t even need a bra and her nipples, they look like little raspberries.”“Fuck you, let it go, okay.”She laughed the rest of the way home and when she stopped at her front door she said,. Thinking of them together, you know, in bed. I’d lost the woman I loved to my best friend and I’d lost my son as well. Your mother was adamant, even more so now Silvio was back – she couldn’t face the shame of a public affair. I started drinking, staying out, searching for the answer in the bottom of a bottle but there isn’t one,’ I smiled ‘Then she was pregnant. I could just about ignore the fact they were sleeping together, he was having the woman I loved more than anything, but now, proof. I just lost it Guy. I got in the car and drove. I couldn’t tell you where or for how long. Patricia said afterwards it was 12 days. I slept where I could, ate where I needed. I never want to feel like that again. I ended up in the Lake District, in a car park overlooking Derwent water. I could drive off there, you see, straight into the lake, about a hundred feet.’ ‘Oh father,’ Guy said again as he held my hands. I stared into space as I re-examined those feelings. Utter and complete despair. ‘I.
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