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I don’t recall missing out on much until about 10 years old but I wasn’t unique in not having a father around. Mum had a friend, called Lila, whom came around about once a month. She always seemed much happier after Lila had spent time with her and Lila would most times stay over night. I can recall their laughter as I lay in my bed at night. Lila would often comment that I was getting more and more like my father and mum would give me a long hard look and say “yes I suppose he is”. When I was about 13 my mum started to let me grow my hair, rather than the short shorn look I had always had. My hair went from being straight and blonde to, at first wavy then curly and darkened in the process too over a period of time.(I think it all happened as I went through puberty?). At about 17 mum brought a man friend home, he was her boss and seemed quite a nice chap. He’d been living and working in Hong Kong for a number of years but upon the death of his wife he’d moved back home. “Hey.” “Hey, Sarah.” “I’m sorry, I’m not Sarah. My name is Kathryn.” She looked at me with glassy eyes and took a sip from her glass. “Hmm, you look like a Sarah.” “Nobody’s ever told me that before.” She took a sip. “Well, I don’t know any other white name. You like the name Matilda?” “No, Kathryn is fine.” She knocked back the last of the contents of her glass, took out a vodka bottle, filled the glass a little over halfway, and poured just enough cranberry juice in the glass to turn the clear liquid red. “It’s thirty degrees out. Why are you out here naked?” She looked at me as if I was crazy. “Sweetie, it is scorching hot out here. Way too hot for clothes.” She took another sip. “How about we go inside and put some clothes on?” “Lady, I don’t know you! And I know what happens when white people take black people away!” She stood up and gulped down the beverage. “Now you looka here, you white beast. You think you are better than me, but…” I couldn’t understand anything else.
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