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I'd drop myself right in the apple cart if I did that. God, I'm not paying you child maintenance for the next god knows how many years." If it's only the child maintenance you're worried about, I'll give you a paper that exonerates you from any financial responsibility for the children." Children? You want me to father more than one? You must be bloody stark raving mad." No I'm not mad. We always said we wanted two children and I'd like to have them now." Jesus, girl, you've gone bleeding bonkers. Look, child maintenance isn't up to you. The moment you put in a claim at the benefit office, they are going to ask who the children's father is and they'd be on my back as quick as bleeding lightning." But I wouldn't be putting in a claim for benefits." Look, this is insane. There's no way I'm going to father any children with you. Go and get one of your boyfriends to father a child for you." I don't want anyone else to be the father of my children. I want you. And besides there hasn't. Well he`s done it twice since, the first time with my wife Trudy, and the second with Harry`s daughter Milly, in Trudy`s case it was again behind the boat sheds beside the chapel. Now I don’t totally blame the lad with Trudy, she`s a hansom woman, and with his hormones raging she must have been irresistible, though he was neither eligible to ask, or sensible in his methods, thus he got a week in the stocks and a daily public birching! Trudy, taking a week out to get over the bruising so roughly did he use her, which displeased me a little. It was Milly that tipped the scales completely, as she is just 14, Jonjo, took her in the most brutal fashion imaginable, Doc Hillman had to stitch her rosebud when she managed to crawl to his door, we were not happy at the lad and he was sent to the committee. Now we are just waiting for the inner tubes to inflate, all the folk here waiting and watching. I had better explain the inner tubes, it’s a local punishment and one that most.
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