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AsI sat thinking now I knew I would have to allow him to be with me,sexually, but that would require time. I knew this immediately. Icouldn't get the memory of the woman last night out of my head. Iwanted to be with her; I hoped that she was Renee.I sat for several hours contemplating my alternatives, and how mylife, and my world would be different. I also reviewed the history ofthe communications with him and Renee. I pulled up my original poston the computer, in which I had offered myself as a 'willing partnerto an individual or couple'; now I appreciated that I had notspecified a woman, and reading this again caused a shift in my head.The submissive attitude was still in my brain; I had wanted to bedifferent, and physically I had become so. This change was now myfuture, and the sexuality I wanted to live was no longer pretending.I was no longer a male; that character 'Thom' had slipped away. I wasa woman now, and having sex with a man was what was required of mostwomen. I could. So imagine the time that it would take - to get the ropes so artistically over and around you body -- think about being blind folded and my hands and the rope as they together move over your body -- the rope staying there -- you feel the pressure of it -- little by little you can relax your body - and still you will not move -- the rope bind you -- till you are completely tied -- it is a peace of living art - you are that art -- now like any other artist I would want to admire my art. Do you when you cook -- or bake a cake -- want to eat it right away - or do you want to savor in the creation of what you just made -- smell it - look at it - take it all in -- yes eventually consume it - for that is it's purpose -- just as you as my living art -- I would want to consume you - fulfill you - Take you.The patience of the rope hopefully had done it's trick on you - making you understand your vulnerability - and also knowing - that you have given me your body to manipulate -- The roller.
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