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She spoke of well-known figures of society such as the Lady Granchester who had farted in the Queen’s presence. ‘It was a fart of some magnitude, my dears,’ she said, ‘such as might have taken Lord Nelson himself all the way to France!’ And of Lady Constance Tolmore who, ‘should more appropriately be called Lady Incontinence since she pissed as she alighted from her carriage on arrival at the Palace one evening.’ We were, as you may imagine, hysterical in our laughter. She told us of an occasion when she had walked in to a privy chamber to find Her Majesty on her knees before the King himself. His Majesty had said, ‘Do take a seat, My Lady, my wife is in no position to converse at this moment but soon she shall be. I have urgent business of State to attend to.’ Jenkins led us with some ceremony to a guest room and Lady Rampton, when Jenkins had left, immediately divested herself of all her raiment. It was clear that she too had urgent matters to deal with. She knelt, quite naked,. He did, nevertheless, shave his armpits, lower legs, and genitals, because the stockings and G-strings he favoured simply worked better without that unnecessary hair. It also fascinated him how the stockings and G-stings seemed to put the straight men that he fancied, at ease. He supposed that to these guys, half a woman was infinitely preferable to having to admit to one’s homosexual propensities.Theo did not like gay bars or clubs and the men in those places were not to his liking. Butch gay men always seemed like ‘pretenders’ to him. Theo, therefore, only hung out in straight cocktails bars in upmarket hotels. Married men were like an aphrodisiac to him and Theo had a rather successful record in these places. He was always very upfront about being a guy, when the men mistook him for a woman, and loved the bewilderment that this caused. Most men simply apologized for their blunder and moved off very quickly. But being as pretty as Theo was, there were enough guys who simply.
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