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. I dont know why are you telling me this I dont need to know that, slow down, okay? Why the hell did you think you need to say that.... " I stopped, emptied my glass and I poured myself another drink and then another, I looked at my father simply asking:"Are you even honestly really sorry about the fact I saw... what I saw?" He shaked his head with the biggest grin over his face. "Then... Why?" he looked at me confused even more now "Whats your point with this? Why are you apologizing?" He looked at me confused even more than I was... than took another drink and finally opened his mouth sounding as himself at last: "I have no idea. It's your moms idea... I guess she saw me wink at you when she... when we... you know. And since she is a woman, she came with this brilliant idea that I should apologise to you if I caused you any discomfort. There, I said it." I looked at him.... then burst out laughing out loud as I have never in my life. Dad looked me while trying to take another sip. There would be time enough to think them slowly and carefully in the forthcoming months. To calm down I tried to masturbate, but it made the cut across my vulva hurt and even to start bleeding again, so I gave it up.Why did I feel so uneasy? Whatever my life would be, once I was free again, it would be better than being a slave. Or would it? This thought crept up at me from behind, unanticipated, uninvited and unwelcome, yet suddenly it was there. Did I really, truly, with all my heart, want to be free? Or was there a comfort in being a slave, a quietude, a deep satisfaction, a secret desire fulfilled that I had never been consciously aware of?I chased this thought away. Who in her own sane mind would not rejoice at the prospect of losing her chains?I masturbated now, never mind the pain and the bleeding — I needed that orgasm! And, I became aware, for this orgasm I needed him! Again I was kneeling in front of him, but this time his hands that held my head did not push me away but.
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