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Sexual freedom was a very real thing, and he got his share of pussy, but in his heart there was still a big empty space shaped like a girl named Carol. He masturbated often, to magazines and fantasies, he began to smoke marijuana, because it made the pictures seem real and enhanced the fantasies. But he avoiding masturbating to his memories of her. They were still the most moving and exciting thoughts he had, but sometimes he came crying, and cried for hours afterward. His dearest memories became a place he dared not go. He tried not to think of her at all, but still… A bit of music, a word, a familiar piece of clothing, a turn of a head with long brown hair–and it hit him like a punch in the heart. He began to smoke more pot, because only then could he feel better just because he wanted to and turn the memories off. He went to class, and wrote his papers, and talked with friends, and dated now and then, but her ghost was always at his side. It only left him when he was stoned, and. That one simple, wonderful sight made him feel like the happiest man on earth. Danny was in pain, but even so, seeing the huge smile on Jake’s face after his eyes had adjusted to the light, put a grin on his own face. Danny’s lips opened again but this time he managed to say something more substantial;“I love you Jake”.There was a short pause.“I love you Danny”.The emotion in Jake’s voice told Danny that he really meant what he said. A single tear drop fell from the corner of Jake’s deep blue eye, like a drop of water from a deep blue ocean. It rolled down his smooth cheek as he leant over and very gently placed his head on Danny’s left shoulder. Danny too was moved to tears and he turned his head to softly kiss the man he loved on his neck. It was a moment which they would both cherish for the rest of their lives. There was magic in the air and no amount of tiredness, pain or suffering could have ruined the moment!***A few days later, Danny was sat up in the hospital bed speaking.
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