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Beyond that, I didn’t move a muscle other than to breath.The instant I was ready again, everything reset – the lights went back to their previous states and all claxons went silent.Just as quickly, the team moved into the apartment and surrounded me.Once he and I knew that I had nowhere to go, Lawson put away his weapon and pulled out his cuffs. He didn’t say anything. He simply walked up to me, spun me around and put them on me.I didn’t fight him, not until after the cuffs were on. Then I kicked him in the shin and stepped away from him. “Are you happy now?” I asked him. “I’m as helpless as you are. I’m as USELESS as you are.”The guy wearing the ball cap put away his weapon and grabbed one of my arms. He was an inch or two shorter than me, but he treated me like the most dangerous thing in the room. I supposed, in a way, I was.I looked at him. He met my eyes. His were cold blue. There was no sign of emotion to him. It wouldn’t bother him any more to shoot me than haul me away.“Wait. Jennifer started out shy and timid – uncertain of herself and how others saw her. Not quite sure she was attractive or desirable. She began life with a pink and white wardrobe and long skirts which suggested virginal purity but did not truly reflect who she was.The first boyfriends and lovers helped end that phase. I still recall those who first flirted with me and treated me as a woman, even though they knew I was a special kind of gurl. The fact that I was different and exotic made me more attractive not less. That I worked harder at being pretty and feminine and sexy than most biological women made me even more so. Once I learned that, once I was held and kissed and admired as Jennifer, my confidence grew and I fully accepted what I wanted and who I was, and will be forever more.Being a gurl today is so much easier than it was when I started. There is more acceptance, true, but more importantly there are so many more places that make the things we need and want, so many more.
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