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Are you telling me if I had worn the top , the rest of me would be changed? What a farce! How do I change back? That's what I want to know." "There's no going back," his host said. "You have a choice to remain as you are, or put on the top of the bathing suit and go back in the ocean. It might be better for you to become a complete woman. But you can probably still live your life as a man the way you are. Nobody has to know the bottom half of your body is female." Roger thought for a minute. "Why did you do this to me in the first place? Is it some joke, or do you do this to every man who comes here? I don't know what I'm gonna do, if you want the truth. I have a job and a girl friend, and lots of other friends, and my mom, and my dad . . ." His host nodded. "We are Roma, better known as Gypsies to you. The suit you wore was my sister's. You are what we call a Gadjo, a non-Gypsy. Years ago my sister fell in love with a Gadjo. He got her pregnant and deserted her.. ' Would that be better? Would it hurt less?Maybe. Because then I wouldn't know how good it felt to be so close to what I want. To have her. All of her. To have her want me. Maybe then I'd know for sure what the fuck was going on. But it's tearing me in two. And I need to get out of here. I need to get some fresh air and some perspective. This place is bringing me down. I laugh soundlessly, sure, it's the apartment's fault.Spencer knocks on the door softly. "Sam, are you okay?"And it's not his fault, but I feel this big swell of anger burn through me. I open the door quickly."Look Spence, just stop okay?"He moves back a step, confused. "Stop what?" Stop treating me like I'm made of glass!" But... I'm just worried about you Sam." His voice is small, hurt.I sigh, "I know... but you're not helping. You keep wanting to know if I'm okay, you and Freddie and... And Carly, and it reminds me that I'm not."His face is sad, and his hand reaches out tentatively to touch my shoulder. "I... I'm.
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