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He reached into his desk drawer and withdrew a bell, which he hung about my neck to warn the rest of the school I was unclean.Okay, so I’m exaggerating and no bell was produced, but I was banned from playing Rugby Union in case I contaminated the other pupils with rugbyleagueitis. So instead of taking part in bloody and bruising games of ‘rugger’ I went cross-country running with the other freaks, misfits and weirdos in the school — who weren’t as daft as they appeared.Fortunately, after six months in York my family moved again. I will not bore you with the reasons for our frequent moonlight flits.Our next abode was in a small village in the depths of Lincolnshire, a largely rural county, and in those days the second largest in England.Despite its size the county was not known for prowess in any kind of sport, although Tony Jacklin was born in the county, and Scunthorpe United Football Club once had Kevin Keegan and Ian Botham on their books, even if not at the same time.The village. - and it fits you perfectly!" Having helped me into her full length satin dressing gown she then hadme sit down at her dressing table as she took her brush and comb andarranged my long, recently washed but unkempt hair in soft curls, tiedboth sides behind my ears with white satin hair ribbons, then producedher make-up case and began applying a touch of lipstick to my lips,needlessly added some rouge to my already scarlet cheeks and with alarge powder-puff applied a dusting of face powder to my face, put somemascara on my eye lashes, finishing off with a dab of perfume behindeach ear and on my neck and shoulders before holding me at arms lengthto admire her handiwork before getting me to resume my seat as shefiled my chewed-up claws and applied a layer of pink nail varnish toeach of my nails telling me to sit still for five minutes to allow thevarnish to dry. "Umm, is all this really necessary Aunt?" Her face litup with a wicked grin. - "If I don't do your nails, hair and makeup,.
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