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I reeled back, trying to catch my breath. I remember turning, retracing my steps, almost stumbling through the lobby and out to my car.I stayed in my car for quite awhile, I think. I just couldn't get my head around what I had just witnessed. Slowly my common sense took control and I began to think more rationally. Of course, I muttered to myself. I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. What I had seen was perfectly innocent, probably just a friendly buss as a thank you for something. I remember shaking my head, feeling embarrassed. I felt so silly - then I started to feel better.I figured that I had better not mention this to Cheryl. I know that she would be angry with me for spying on her, not trusting her. I thought that it would be better if I just forgot about it. It would be silly to start another argument about something so trivial. I remember nodding, satisfied that I had made the best decision.I tried to be especially kind that evening. I went out of my way to compliment. For most of my 38 years, I've been single. I lovewomen, but have a pattern of becoming fast friends with them and when Iwant more, they don't. It is always the same, "I wouldn't want to doanything to ruin our friendship." Trouble is, the longer we stayfriends, the more I feel for her, the friendship erodes. I admit, it'shard to watch someone you are in love with date another guy. What'sworse is when she has to tell me about every date. I am her BFF so shetreats me like any other of her friends, her other GIRL friendsunfortunately. I can't tell you how much I HATE hearing how cute someguy is when we are out together. I don't point out all the pretty girlsI see. Why can't women be more considerate of my feelings? Due to my propensity for becoming a BFF instead of a boyfriend my datingexperience isn't what it should be. I've gone out hundreds of times asfriends and as part of a group of girls. When I was younger the nicestworst compliment I ever had was when a friend's.
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