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This paddle, I assumed, was probably more for decoration than for use on naughty behinds. I thought it was probably another knick-knack that hung in the house and added to the rustic country charm of the place. It was small, compared to other paddles I’ve seen, but still measured about a foot. It was a sturdy hardwood that had been stained with a dark finish and engraved on it were the words “Auntie’s Helper”.“Does your aunt use this?” I asked, secretly hoping that maybe Rebecca’s aunt was a spanker too.“No, I’ve never seen her use it, it just hangs on the wall in the kitchen,” Rebecca answered.“Are you sure it can be used? I don’t want it to break,” I said cautiously as I examined the paddle.“It’ll be fine, see? It’s strong enough,” she explained as she let me feel the implement.“Okay, how do you want me?” I asked, fiddling with my hands a little bit.“I want you to put your hands on the bed and stick your butt out so I can whack you like a little schoolgirl,” she said, laughing. I’ve refused to let the Truth Network show it.”I think for a moment and say, “Samantha, show the video and then grab your camera and get over here for our rebuttal.”Samantha says, “Will do, it should be on sometime soon.”I demand, “Turn on the TV to the Truth Network.”The TV is turned on and we see a fricken-fracken towelhead come on and announce in very broken English, “These are the bodies of Jennifer Blaine’s mother and former best friend. Watch what we do to these infidels!”Thank God the Truth Network blanks out most of the graphic parts, but you can still tell they are having sex with the fricken-fracken dead bodies - they are sick beyond belief! The towelhead continues, “We look forward to when we do the same to the bodies of both the infidel Blaine’s.”Ben scoffs, “That day will never come.” Meanwhile, I continue to think of an appropriate response which will infuriate the towelheads. I stand up and announce, “Ben, I need to go to the bedroom for a minute. Samantha is coming.
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