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You were fourteen? Tell the truth, did you beat off thinking about Captain Titts?" Fucking A I did! Until I was raw! Her, then Sergeant Hipps, Redhaired Hellion, then Private Partz, Going Commando. You got a pretty wild imagination, dude."I thought about the series when I was half buzzed one night, reading an old paperback sci-fi from the eighties, about a group of mercenaries that traveled the universe for fun and profit. They were a womanizing lot, and spent more time screwing than fighting. I had a stray thought about reversing the image, and have it be a bunch of extremely attractive, extremely horny women, offering their weapons and 'services' to the highest bidder. I hacked out the outline of the first three novels that night, then spent eight months developing the characters and plot lines.I published online, without hope of a book deal. By the time the third book came out I had a small cult following, that swelled in time to millions all over the world. I was up to book. Dad, what are these, and how did they get here?”“Oh, I put them there a while ago, after the last guy left, eight of them, wasn’t it? It’s all pretty self-explanatory. You’ve been served. So long!”I ended the call and switched off the phone. I still had the cameras and the microphones, so I was able to enjoy the expressions on their faces as they gasped in amazement and then ripped open their envelopes.They’d taken their meal ticket for granted for so long that they were in for some very nasty surprises.I’d filed the papers in each folder in the same order.The eviction notice for Susan and Helen’s apartment, on grounds of unpaid rent, matched Cynthia’s updated mortgage statement for the house, which showed that the bank now owned 80% of the value and 120% of the equity we’d taken years to build up.Next was the unpaid final reminder for my ex-daughters’ college fees, and the screenshots of the online banking showing a balance of a hundred dollars in the checking account, and the zero.
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