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What little sense of hope I had has washed away in the slow drizzle that continues to fall outside. Somehow I know that the doctor was right, and I shall not be the rare exception who survives this disease. My gown was delivered this morning, but it brought little joy to the house, the package sits in the hall unopened. It all seems so pointless. The weeks of planning, all for nothing. I don't even know why I bother to keep this record that none will profit by.October 1My dearest Jonathan arrived today, and while the circumstances saddened us both, I feel so much better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to brighten my room. I no longer hope for recovery. I cannot help but feel the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems more a blessed relief than tragic end. My only wish is that I come to my end with grace.Father assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a member of the family, they consider him as a. I tried to remember when the last time was, I caressed another woman’s breasts, other than my own. More than ten years ago, I realized, before my live-in partner left me for one of her students.I forgot all about the discovery, the journey we had to complete. I kissed, caressed and embraced Carla, doing things to her that I could not do during the last ten years.I stopped, sanity returning to my overstimulated senses. I was ashamed of my actions. How could I use my assistant for my own pleasure and satisfaction? I stepped back, aching to suck on her beautiful firm breasts. I dropped my head in embarrassment.“What the fuck are you doing, Prof? You can’t stop now.”“I am truly sorry.” I couldn’t look her in the eyes. The guide took us further, down the slimy passage. Fortunately, Carla was behind me. I couldn’t look at her succulent breast without losing control. Touching my own nipples, I nearly fainted. My knees buckled and I had to stop to steady myself.At a small clearing our guide.
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