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The next day we made an apointment. On the day whenI was meant to start hormone replacement therapy my wife walked me up tothe clinic and sat in the waiting room with me. The nurse called me by mypreferred name, Stevonnie, and I got up and walked into the hallway. Thenurse weighed me and kept calling me by my name. She took my pulse andblood pressure and led me to a waiting room. I sat down and waited. Itseemed like forever. The doctor had an incredibly warm smile and hergolden curly hair made her look like a sunflower."Hi," she said. "So you're here because you think you might want to starttransitioning?"I explained myself. I talked about the confusion and how long I'd thoughtabout it. How I'd spent so much time trying to figure it out by readingtrashy fiction on skeevy websites and how they kept just making me feelso confused and I just figured out that I'd been making a horriblemistake by not confronting what was always inside of myself and had beenbeaten down and out of. ‘It’s nice to be pampered and fussed over. It’s nice to be his, and to be without any lofty purpose for a while.’ ‘Everything all right, Babe?’ ‘No, but it’s getting better,’ she said, forcing a smile to please him. ‘Why do I please him? What does he see in me?’ The thought nagged her psyche, until his damp, naked body moved away to dry itself and she enjoyed watching the process. His penis had a little starch in it. There was satisfaction knowing she’d put it there, in an offhand way. ‘I’m going to Rochester. Do you want to ride along? I’ll be stopping to see my brother and I have to pick up some things from storage. I’ll be back late.’ This trip didn’t sound very appealing, but the idea of spending the day alone didn’t either. Irrational fears popped up. Fighting them back, she replied, ‘You go on. I’ll wait here and sleep.’ Sulking, Faith left the bathroom and flopped onto the bed, face first. Her head started to throb again. Feeling ugly, Faith thought, ‘Sure, go have fun.
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