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As I punched the number I'd been given into my phone I noticed that my hand was clammy. I let out my breath slowly and hit the green dial button.The ringing tone came through clearly and I held my breath, who was going to answer?"Hello," said a woman's voice in my ear."Good evening," I responded, "You, err, left me a note to call you." Oh," said the voice in surprise, "I take it that you are the person who dared my daughter?" I am if your daughter is Natasha Young," I responded."She is," replied Helen. "Do you have a name?" I do, but you can call me 'Tom' for now." Well, Tom, as I spelt out in my note," she said, "there are two options. Which one is it going to be, trouble or fun?" Oh, fun," I replied carelessly, "Why would I want to cause such a beautiful woman as yourself any trouble?" I'm glad of that but you don't need to try smooth-talking me," she said. "I'm up for as much fun as I can get."Now that sounded promising."So what is it you want us to do?" she asked."It's not so much. "I hear that there is an ancient fair held each year in a place called Little Sprodwell. This is a festivity which has roots going far back into the pagan and pre Celtic past of this country where each year is re-enacted an ancient pagan sacrifice of a young maiden as an appeasement of the fertility gods." Bollocks!" said Professor Potts-Johnson in his reedy and querulous tones. "And the full name of that one-horse arse hole of the universe is Little Sprodwell under Fosse - God help us all!" I beg your pardon, Professor, but I have this on the very best authority. The trouble with you locals is you can't see the wood for the trees. You are blind to the treasures to be found in your own back yard." Bollocks, if you will excuse the repetition, Professor! This particular shindig is as phoney and ersatz as it comes. Believe me, I know! The presiding genius is a relative of mine - the black sheep of the family and a total charlatan to boot! But, what the Hell? It'll be a nice day out and a.
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