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A serious introvert. One of nearly the hermit kind. One of my favorite quotes on the subject is by the writer Neal Stephenson: “Where did all these people come from, and how do I make them go away?” What this means as far as Christmas is concerned is that even though I enjoy gift-giving, I absolutely hate crowds.When I was about thirty and single—in days before the Internet—I developed tactics for shopping that made dealing with the crowds easier. I didn’t shower, shave, or brush my teeth for three days before going out to hit the malls (in those days, a stubbly face was a sign of poor grooming rather than a fashion statement). On the fateful day, I dressed in raggedy, grubby clothes. A pair of jeans I’d dragged around the garage floor until they were grimy and reeked of oil and gasoline. A tattered shirt. A holey tee-shirt was the best, weather permitting. Then I’d chew and swallow three cloves of raw garlic, washing each mouthful down with a shot of whiskey. Finally, I’d take a. I glanced round, and picked up a container at random. ‘All over body wash,’ I read. ‘Well, sounds obvious.’ The fragrance of the gel was heady, and I lathered myself thoroughly before rinsing off. I turned off the water, and stepped out of the cubicle, reaching for a towel. The material felt rough on my skin, but it left a pleasant tingle when I’d finishing rubbing myself dry. I found a hairbrush on Sally’s dresser, and brushed my hair, then opened the drawers until I found clothes that looked more or less the same as the ones she’d bought for me the previous day. In another drawer I found t-shirts, and I remembered that Sally had worn jeans, so I decided to try those. Just as I finished dressing, I heard a hesitant knock on the door. ‘You can come in,’ I called. Tim opened the door, and looked at me. I tried to understand his expression, then shook my head. ‘Tell me.’ He smiled. ‘You look beautiful. But I can’t help remembering how you let me see you as a flame of fire.’ He looked.
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