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They are uncomfortable, itchy, smelly, and prone to leaking because the bio-garment normally isn’t that thirsty. Which is why I usually go with a combination of diaper and tampon, even though the latter are even weirder than the former. (Don’t ask. There are finger-like protrusions and long minutes of squatting/pushing involved, and sometimes stuff accidentally goes up the butt or the peehole. Yeah, eww.)Problem is, when you have a Dryth spike lodged in your hoo-haa, the weird tampons don’t fit, or they are squished and squeezed out of your body by the undulation of aforementioned spike and your own muscles.Like, when you sneeze. Or have an orgasm. Or a string of orgasms.It’s only four in the afternoon and the one I forced down just now would have been number eleven. Might break my own record today.So here I am, resisting the urge to pick the living diaper-panty out of the many cracks and crannies of my body into which it has wedged itself, and trying my hardest to keep a straight. ’ ‘At least I’d be able to invite myself over for leftovers that way,’ I replied. ‘You won’t have to invite yourself Jim,’ Janice said as she hefted a far more sensible 14 pounder. ‘You have an open invitation to drop by anytime.’ ‘That one looks like he wants to come home with us,’ I said. ‘Looks like a Todd to me.’ ‘Todd?’ ‘Have to give your turkey a name if you’re going to invite him to dinner,’ I said as my eyes started to water in thinking of days long ago, when Madeline and I would do silly things like naming our turkeys. ‘We used to…’ I managed to get out before my voice started breaking. ‘Todd it is!’ Janice exclaimed as Todd the Turkey went into the cart and we went off to the produce section. I was grateful that Janice had come to my rescue back there, because I was on the verge of losing it right in the middle of the meat department. We grabbed potatoes and frozen rolls and went to the checkout, where Janice was greeted warmly by the cashier, a young woman about Janice’s.
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