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I saw his shoulderssag and his body deflate. He turned to flee from me once again. I grabbed his wrist with both hands and held on tightly, preventing himfrom escaping. He looked back at me, and I could see tears streaming fromhis eyes. "Paul," I started again, and he tugged against me, trying to get awayonce again. "Like I just said, I'm trying to learn who I am right now.I'm not ready for a boyfriend. I can't be anybody's girlfriend right now.I just can't!"He stopped pulling against my hands, taking in what I had said. It wasthe truth. I'd spent all summer as Sarah, and I still needed to learn whoMegan was before I was ready to commit myself to a relationship. Thefiasco with Josh had made that abundantly clear to me. "So you're saying that might change in the future?" The hope in hisquestion caused my heart to ache. Paul was one of the sweetest boys Iknew, but I couldn't see myself with him. Yet I knew that I couldn'tstomp on that hope. He needed hope like that to continue to move. There was even talk of an Emmy nomination for Shelley's role as Diane, the love interest of Ted Danson's character.Most of these parties are usually pretty dull, and this one was no different. Every person is either trying to suck someone else's dick (literally and figuratively) or trying to get in the position to do so. Normally I will just drink myself into a stupor and go home hopefully with an aspiring actress girlfriend of one of the producers, promising her that I would help her career along. Haha.I was just finishing my fifth brandy when I noticed that Shelley was gone. Asking around, no one had seen her leave. That meant that she was somewhere in this house, a "party place" leased out by NBC for the night. I decided to look around and see if I could find her, and maybe tell her I was leaving since no one really important was at the party.Checking the downstairs, all I could find was a couple of cokeheads snorting in a master bedroom on top of a beautiful antique armoire..
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