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"She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.She's 25, and her name's Candy.3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with. None of my other captives have had this kind of effect on me. So now you’re mine. Let’s enjoy this.” I drove myself in as far as I could. “Man, I could get used to doing this to you every night.”“My nipples can’t handle this every night! They can’t!”“Of course not. I would give you time to heal. I meant drilling into your pussy and ass. That I could get used to.” I thrust in and out of her then pulled out. “I forgot something.” I said as I walked back over to the other side of the table and picked up a nail and the hammer.“No more nails! Please. My boobs already hurt enough.”“They aren’t for your boobs.” I grabbed the chain to the nipple clamps and pulled it as taut as I could and nailed it on the table as she screamed out. “Well, in a way they were.” I said as I laughed and grabbed her waist, thrusting myself back into her. “God, you feel so fucking good.” I could hear the chain moving as she was being fucked and I heard her whimpers turn into moans. “You really do like this. You’re.
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