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"She printed the note, and then stapled the lyrics page, torn from the first CD liner, to the bottom of the note. It was Macy Gray's "The Letter."At the top of the page, she wrote simply, "Mom." She took a highlighter, and applied it to the words:"Mama don't be sad for me"Life was a heartache, and now I'm finally free."Then she stapled the page from the second CD to the bottom of the first. It was REM's "Everybody Hurts."At the top of the page, she wrote, "Bobby — I'll be fine. Take care of Sammy and your mom. Love, Julie."She took her highlighter, and applied it to words in different parts of the song:"Don't let yourself go,"everybody cries"and everybody hurts sometimes."Take comfort in your friends."You are not alone."She centered the notes on the top of her desk, placing the pistol next to them.She picked up the baggy from her nightstand that Van had brought. She shook all of its contents out onto her mirror, and used her razor to push the powder into several rows of thick. " "I just couldn't believe what we had done, Jay. I was embarrassed andconfused. I fuck women and always have. I figured that what we did wasjust some experimenting." It sounded lame even to my own ears, but it wasthe truth. "Experimenting? Shit, whiteboy, you should have seen the way youlooked when you were 'experimenting'. I have never seen such a pussy slutlike you. When you had my dick in your mouth and in your tight littlepussy that was pure ecstasy on your face. No need to deny it. Your littlewhite boy-cock all hard and throbbing tells me what I need to know. Youmay have fucked pussies before, faggot, but now you're nothing more than apussy that I fuck. That ain't ever gonna change." I looked down at thefloor. I didn't want to admit, even in my mind, that what he was sayingwas true, but I had taken his fucks, both in my mouth and my ass. Icouldn't deny what he was saying. Plus, my cock was giving me away justlike he said. "Why don't you get on your knees right where you are,.
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