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Kneeling in the wet, dirty sludge, I lifted her gently from the road, lowered my face and wailed. The walls of my heart were demolished into tiny pieces that cut fiercely as they poured out from every opening onto her still warm body. When Scrappy’s whines finally reached my ears, I saw him pacing back and forth on the corner. By the look on his face, I could see that he knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. ‘She’s gone boy,’ I choked through my sobs. A small crowd of people had begun to gather around us expressing their shock and sympathies, the couple that I had rushed past earlier among them. ‘Tough luck son,’ the old man said. Placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, he tried to comfort me. ‘But sometimes, miracles happen…’ Rising to my feet, I barely heard him. With my dog’s lifeless body at my chest, I took Scrappy by the leash in my other hand and started home, weeping as we went. Scrappy jumped and pawed, whining at my knees the whole way. Like me, I believe he was. Not asking why took a little longer, but all of my questions went away eventually. That's what it is to be a slave. I was numb now, except in my dreams, and numbness is a thing you can't understand until you feel it. Until it consumes you. Becomes you."You go on television today." There was the clattering of a metal tray being shoved under the bars, kicked towards me so that the cold hard rice was caught and tumbled off to flake on the floor.I scrambled for it, catching the rice in my broken fingers like a living thing and pushing it between my lips. He watched me. Not smiling, not frowning, just watching. There was fruit on the tray, four sections of whitish-orange jackfruit. I picked them up carefully, one at a time, sitting with my knees against my breasts, my chin in the valley between them. Television. I was going on television again, that was why they gave me fruit. I ate it slowly, rocking back and forth and staring at the wall.My first time had been very hard. I hadn't wanted.
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