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’ ‘They got caught. That doesn’t sound professional to me.’ This from Matt. At least I had their full attention now. I shook my head, regretting the one too many Scotches I had downed earlier. Stevie stood as if reading my mind. ‘Hold on honey and I’ll put some coffee on.’ Her voice was full of concern which again shook me. The feelings that were sweeping through me were confusing to say the least. For the last 8 years I had been as self sufficient as a man in my profession could possibly be. Sure, in any combat team you have to rely on the man next to you but I had been exceptionally good at separating my work from my private life. My down time had been spent in solitary pursuit of whatever interested me at the time. On the rare occasions I had chosen to socialise with my team mates it had always been a strained affair. We functioned well as a team because they respected my ability and leadership, not because they liked me. I could get the job done with a minimum of risk, and in our. Babs wasn't happy, though. She didn't want me in her bed for sex, but she did like to cuddle up to me. This led to me staying out of her bed even more, to punish her for her treatment of me. She wouldn't give me what I needed, so why should I give in to her? We both began to sulk, to nag each other, and the marriage became cold.I like chatting on the internet, finding out the many different ways people think and behave. And my new sleep pattern gave me a lot of spare online time. Some of it I spent reading porn stories. We take our release where we can... Now and again I meet someone online who becomes a good friend. One of those people, Mary from Canada, did me a huge favour, by showing me what was wrong with my marriage. We started swapping mails at the end of 2003. I'm not sure what made me dump all my problems on to her. Certainly I had no thoughts that she could give me any answers - I'd given up believing that they existed. It was just good to be able to talk it through with.
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