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But you’ve been down this road before, and should know better.”“I know, I know. But I was super emotional about it because of what Kara told me.”“So why call Joyce?” Anala asked, then before I could answer, continued, “I can answer that for you - you WANTED the confrontation. You wanted to try to make Joyce feel bad. You wanted to push the blame for what happened squarely on Joyce’s shoulders so you could absolve yourself.”I sighed, “You know, there are times when I wish I’d never met you.”“No there aren’t,” Anala smiled. “You know this is good for you and you want it. You love the truth and you want people to speak the truth to you. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t keep seeing me.”“Now I’m absolutely sure about that wish!” I chuckled.She smiled back, “Tell me that I’m wrong, Steve.”“I can’t,” I said, defeated by her simple proclamation of truth.“So now what? Do you think you can fix it?”“I have no idea,” I said. “She’s demanding that I admit that I was with her sister. I don’t think. During the early stages of our cruise home, I was shot to death by the mafia and ended up here, sitting on the bed of a sixteen year old boy, in Deland, Florida, hoping against hope that I could reconnect with the people I loved.I win! Weird!What I did know was that it seemed impossible for a man to hurt in his heart any more than I was. Rather than pretend to be noble and strong, I allowed the tears to fall. There didn't seem to be any reason to resist the sadness that covered my life like a funeral pall. In the past, in both my lives, I usually – well, eventually - fought off the darkness as it closed in on me. After gaining and losing everything, then gaining and losing everything again, there seemed to be no point in fighting any more. If Rebecca and Colleen could not wrap their minds around this, then I had to give them up, forever.I didn't know Carol had come in until I felt her arms go around my shoulders. She apparently peeked in and saw my tears and felt I needed a mother's.
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